thoughts, things, musings and the goings on of an actor, director, producer, and theatre advocate based in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
I got into the car after work on Thursday and my alternative station was on. The first thing I heard was Chester Bennington of Linkin Park was found dead in an apparent suicide. And I froze. How is it possible, just two months after the suicide of Chris Cornell, we are now mourning another of the community of another hanging? One who penned his own letter after Chris' passing? One whose own letter says the very things anyone could also say about Chester? Why?
Heeding the warning signs, I've made a decision about my health.
I've said it about myself many times. "Honest to a fault." Somewhere along in our history, or maybe since the beginning of time, honest to a fault became a weakness. Something to be looked down upon. Many of my friends have applauded my forwardness, sometimes brashness, as the woman who doesn't "pull any punches." But where does that get you in life? Honestly, where does being open help anyone?
I've lived with low self-esteem for as long as I can remember. And low self worth. And I'm trying to move on from it, but here's how it all started. Or some of it, anyway.
As life would have it, I only have one child. A girl. I was 23 years old, and had no reason to believe she would be anything other than a healthy normal kid. Until the doctor said, "She looks a little weird. We're gonna run some tests."
I've made my choices.
After 11 years, three schools, and a break for a baby to get it done, I finally graduated college 10 years ago. I jumped out of bed in a panic realizing I had forgotten its anniversary.
Before this last election, I could still feel relatively safe as a woman, and that society wouldn't totally let my daughter down, and my husband wouldn't be deported.
Now I'm not so sure about any of that.
I was a grunge kid, so by now you can see a lot my heroes have died. Chris Cornell's suicide last week has me wondering what the hell is going on, and what hope is there anymore?
The more things change the more they stay the same. After helping out a friend I wondered: Are we back to the barter system?
